Remarriage Preparation - Is Love Enough?
Over 60% of remarriages end in a re-divorce. Just let that one sink in a minute. It’s a scary statistic. If you’re like most people, you just read that and thought, “Yeah, but that’s not us.” Let me stop you right there. If you’re preparing to remarry, it IS you! You do run a higher likelihood of getting a divorce than of having a successful remarriage.
I don’t mean to sound real negative. I just want to make sure you’re being realistic. Living in a fantasy world of denial doesn’t help you prepare for the challenges that await you.
I always ask my new coaching clients, “Why are you wanting to get remarried?” I know I’m in trouble when they look at each other, giggle and say with a swoon, “Because we’re in love!” My usual response to that is, “Ok, why else?”
Don’t get me wrong, love is important. But if that’s your main motivation, you’ve got a long road ahead. Love is a great feeling. It produces highs similar to any illegal drug around. But just like a drug, you do come down from that high and have to face reality. What are some of those realities?
- You don’t pay attention to compatability - Just because a chemical reaction happens in a big way when you’re around each other, doesn’t mean that you can live together and create a successful life with one another. Compatibility has to do with being able to get along, compromise, having similar lifestyles.
- Romantic love is an emotion - Most movies deify this emotion as the ultimate goal to any relationship. What you aren’t told is that this romantic love high usually only lasts for about 18 months. After that, your relationship tends to fade into oblivion or the emotions mature into a stable, long-term love. This change in feeling comes as a shock to a lot of newlyweds, thus bringing the dreaded, “I love him/her, but I’m not ‘in love’ with them.”
- The relationship is immature at this point - Because you’re both still focused on the “oohs & aahs”, you may not be able to clearly look at the challenges that are in store for you with a remarriage and creation of a step family. It takes time for a relationship to mature into one that will stick together through screaming children (who are not your own), pressure from ex-spouses, and various other people who are not real thrilled about you being the new spouse.
I believe it is because of this 18 month rule, that research has shown time and time again that couples who date at least 2 years have the greatest success at remarriage. I urge you, to slow things down a bit. This may be the person you’ve been waiting for. If it is, then there’s no reason to rush to the altar, they are going to stick with you as you both take the time to adequately prepare for this new life together.
The creation of a successful remarriage doesn’t just happen by chance. It takes hard work, and good preparation. Please visit http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com to begin that process. Our mission is to provide divorced parents with the information and resources to achieve the remarriage of their dreams.
A great place to begin gathering that information is to download our teleseminar, “How Do We KNOW When We’re Ready to Remarry?” for free. To gain access to this great audio, please visit, http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/7107audiosignup.htm
If you both feel, you’re ready to take that remarriage step, don’t miss out on our 2 book
All of this was brought to you by Alyssa Johnson.
Tags: Alyssa Johnson, children, divorce, ex-spouse, marriage, remarriage, step family