What Stage Is Your Marriage In?
I am certainly no expert on marriage, but I would like to share some lessons that I have learned from being married to my husband, Bobby, for 38 years. Throughout those 38 years we have experienced different stages of happiness in our marriage. I believe that those stages can be related to a person’s life.
A newborn baby is just starting to learn about life, experiencing something new every day and growing bigger each day. The baby is like an empty glass. Whatever the parents pour into the baby is what the baby will contain. If the parents pour in love, compassion, forgiveness, and joy, these are what the baby will pour out. A “newborn” marriage is very much like the newborn baby. Whatever the couple pours into the marriage is what the marriage is going to be like. If you want your marriage to be a loving, compassionate, forgiving, and joyful relationship, you must pour those things into the marriage.
And just like a baby learns something new every day, “newborn” married couples will learn something new about each other every day. It may be a pleasant new thing or it could be an annoying little habit. The marriage is developing like a newborn baby as well. A baby learns to eat, communicate, and walk. A “newborn” marriage has to be nourished and love has to be expressed so that finally the marriage can be up and running.
After several years, the marriage grows into the “adolescent” stage. If you know a pre-teen, or can remember being one, you know the roller coaster ride they are on in this stage of development. An adolescent will cry at the drop of a hat. They just can’t control all of the new emotions that they are experiencing. A parent can be talking to a seemingly happy, carefree child, and all of a sudden, the child is the most misunderstood and mistreated person in the world.
The “adolescent” marriage has these emotional ups and downs as well. Often there are young children to care for, or perhaps there are changes in careers that cause the family to be uprooted. In some families there is the stress of both people working outside of the home and raising a family. Balancing a home, children, and a career is often more than some people can handle. There are so many changes to deal with during this growing time in a marriage. Without a strong foundation the marriage is vulnerable.
Then there is the adult, or “mid-life” stage of marriage. There are some people reaching mid-life that just can’t face getting older. In a “mid-life” marriage the partners are experiencing changes to their bodies that are not always pleasant. One of the partners may have health problems that limit them as never before. It is hard to come to terms with these kinds of limitations.
A person in this stage of life may look back on their lives and begin to think that time is slipping away. The dreams of their youth have not been fulfilled. The lie that time is running out and youth is wasted can destroy many marriages.
However, change is not always bad! People in this stage of marriage often feel more comfortable with each other than ever before. They know each other’s like and dislikes. They certainly don’t have to pretend anything. A “mid-life” marriage can be a struggle at times, but is always worth the effort!
The last stage of life and of a marriage is a death of a spouse due to old age or illness. I have not experienced this stage, but I have watched my mother and two sisters go through it. After my daddy died in December 1998, my mother came to live with Bobby and me. It has been a great time for us to enjoy Mother, but I know that after being married for almost 75 years it was not easy for Mother. She lost the only man she ever loved and was uprooted from her home all within 3 months. Yet, she stays joyful and never complains. What must it be like to be her?
Loss can be devastating. The only good thing that I can see coming out of it is that the surviving person must depend on God for every moment they live without their loved one. My two sisters, whom have both been widowed in the last three years, have proven this to me. They give glory to God for each day that they are able to get through.
These stages of life and of marriage are inevitable. Why not go through them with joy and live each day to the fullest.
Elaine Pennartz
http://www.texashomebase.com
Tags: adolescent, christian, happy marriage, lessons, life, marriage, mature, newborn, stages of happiness